Skin Picking

As if pulling my hair out is not screwed up enough, I also pick my skin off. Dermatillomania-compulsive skin picking. I have been struggling with this for as long as I can remember. I have been doing things I am ashamed of for so long that I am a professional at hiding it. I find it easier, but not easy, to control the skin picking more than the hair pulling. The toughest battle for me was about 6 years long. I started picking at dry skin on my heels and that quickly turned into ripping the skin off the bottom of my feet. I began using "tools" mostly tweezers were my favorite but nail clippers certainly helped. Clip a chunk of dry skin off and then I had a starting point to pull from. This did not hurt one bit, well, not while I was doing it. Actually sometimes there was pain, when I pulled skin and it was too deep it would hurt like hell. After the damage was done I always regretted it. Bleeding feet and finding it extremely difficult to walk the next morning. I was a waitress too so walking was mandatory. The pulling started to grow and before long the side of my feet facing outward were purple. I could hide it from most people but not my mom and dad. I tried wearing socks for the most part but I love flip flops too much. I remember always feeling scared because my parents would tell me if I didn't stop picking at my feet that I may end up with an infection that could ultimately lead to amputation. Ugh what a horrible thought. It didn't stop me though. As a female having to visit the OB dr ugh I would always bring socks so they would never catch a glimpse of my feet in the stirrups. Getting a pedicure to fix my dry cracked heels was out of the question. I went for my bday one year and left in tears. I may not speak their language but the mortified look on their face was enough. Summer time is the hardest to hide that sort of thing. Little strappy sandals and purple sides of feet don't exactly go well together. Out of the pool or ocean when my feet were pruny on the bottom made the damage I had done more noticeable than ever. It also showed me how uneven my picking was and I was able to "smooth" it out by picking off the uneven layers of skin. My picking didn't stop with just my feet. I have chicken pox scars all over from when I was a child because I would pick them off and scabs. Pimples or scabs are getting ripped off asap. My face or anywhere else I want nothing on me. The pads of my finger tips, my cuticles, creases of my fingers, lips, toes, any place with a cut is prime picking for me. I have been told by many people time and time again that I need to stop picking at my fingers. 7 months ago at work I had a customer say "wow what happened to your fingers? do you have a deficiency?" What happened, what do you think dude? And the only deficiency I have is in skin. Purple bloody fingers. I carry band aids with me everywhere now. I literally got to the extent where I had a band aid on every single finger, how cute right? Easy to see why I have such low self esteem. Happy to say I have not picked at my feet since January 2012!! I have managed to let my nails grow long so my fingers dont look too bad. The underside is starting to get worse as levels of stress in my life is picking up. I hope one day I can quit my picking altogether.